"The Morning After "
Hello there my faithful followers. I trust the Fat Man in Red paid a visit to all of your respective homes on Sunday and left behind lots of goodies for one and all.
I realize I'm a little late here with the TMA. I would have scribed and posted it in the customary time frame but on Christmas Eve at my family's annual DVD/CD gift exchange, I ended up with the complete works of Yanni (a 37 ½-cd set) and I just recently regained my senses after the jam session with The Y Man.
His version of “It's getting' hot in here, let's take off all our clothes” is da' bomb. Man, that Greek dude can kick it.
As for the game itself, I unfortunately — or is that fortunately? — did not see much of it. I did however, receive periodic updates from my brothers.
See each year the entire Olenski family, last count was around 137, jams into my mother's house in Ivyland, PA. Normally yours truly would have butt planted firmly on chair alongside my brothers and nephews consuming mass amounts of food and beverage but it was my turn to try and keep pace and eye on The Big Man's Little Big Man otherwise known as my son Josh. So much of the night was spent approximately two feet behind Josh's behind at all times.
So while I didn't see much of the game, I did however receive a secret copy via one of my trusted spies (albeit just a partial list), of some of the Eagles players' & staff's wish list for Santa.
“Dear Mr. Claus,
This year I would like a giant can of Right Guard deodorant as clearly this is the only sort of 24-hour protection I can count on. I would also appreciate a wide receiver if you could find one that is talented yet doesn't enjoy doing calisthenics in his driveway. And oh, throw in some Slim Fast and Jenny Craig stuff too. I was asked to play Santa this year for the kids and they told me I didn't need any extra padding around my stomach area.” -Donovan McNabb
I would like just one thing and one thing only. I seemed have to misplaced something and I would really like your help in finding it. It's not something I can buy cause I got all the money I need and trust me, if I could buy it, I would. I have tried Map Quest and the other directional-type aids that are available via the Internet. I have tried running Missing Places ads in the papers. I have tried the Yellow Pages. I have even tried praying to Saint Anthony (got this tip from somebody named Jennie in Ivyland, she claims he helps her all the time when she loses something). I just can't seem to find this location and I desperately need your help before next season. So, thanks Santa. I appreciate you helping me locate the backfield again.” - Jevon Kearse
This year for Christmas I want, no make that demand, new neighbors. At my home? No. They're fine, ever since that crazy dude who did sit-ups in his driveway moved. What am I referring to then? Well, I will give you a hint. “Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right…” The Bullet and the Bow Tie have got to go. I mean they're nice people and all but so's my grandmother and I don't want her lining up beside me either. So, please. Pretty please with sugar on top. Please get me some new neighbors for Sunday afternoons.” – Jeremiah Trotter
For this Christmas, I would like some Seek ‘N Find, Crossword and Cryptogram Books. Maybe throw in some Harlequin Romances if you can, too. I have a lot of free time on my hands you see and these will really help me in those down times, which is pretty much the entire the entire season.” - Brad Childress
My list is quite lengthy this year so please bare with me. First, I would like a copy of the Wizard of Oz. I want to show it to Drew Rosenhaus, the entire Defense sans #54 and Greg Lewis as clearly they are in desperate need of a brain, some heart and courage. Next, I want to thank you for the red pants you sent me last year. They're a little big on me now as I've lost some weight in case you hadn't noticed. Come to think of it, I'm slimmer this year and we've had our worst season since I got to Philly. Is there a correlation there? Just to be on the safe side, I would like to restart my membership in the Buffet of the Night Club. A lot of people think I should ask for a wide receiver but I don't agree with them. Pinky will be back and between you and me, I think we can compete with him, Reggie Brown and Greg Lewis. Hell, I might even take Fred Ex back and that Darnerian guy looked pretty good…on punt coverage that is but hey, he looked good. What I do need is some very large, overweight men to play defensive tackle. I mean friggin huge guys. These little dudes we've playing with the last few years just ain't cutting it and between you and me, that Kearse guy couldn't find the backfield if he called Lewis & Clark. So some big guys please. Oh, before I forget, please, PLEASE send me a different backup QB. What was I thinking signing Mike McMahon? And Koy is a nice kid but he weighs about as much as one of my legs for chrissakes. Donny's not getting any younger so I desperately need a quality backup. And speaking of Donny, I don't know what he's asking for, but he damn well better be getting some Dick Gregory , some Dexatrim or something like that. If he asks why, just play dumb and tell him you made a mistake. Hopefully he'll get the hint. I could go on of course as clearly I need a lot more than I what I already asked for but I gotta run. I gotta get ready for the Cardinals game. The fans still think we should try and win these damn games. They are so clueless. And remember Fat Man, Christmas time's yours but the food's mine.” – Andy ReidIf anyone has any copies of what some other Birds players and coaches asked for, please feel free to pass them on.
© Copyright 2005. Jules Pilla
Not affiliated with the Philadelphiqa
Eagles or the NFL.