"The Morning After "
By Steve Olenski
Sept 18th , 2005

Game 2 - SF vs Eagles

Good morning boys and girls,

Raise your hand if you had the Niners and 40.

Before you start making plans for Detroit in February, unless you're going there anyway for the Proctology Convention (don't ask how I came to know this is when this event will be held), remember that these were the Forty-Niners the Birds faced yesterday.

As in the 4 Wins & 28 Losses over the last two years Forty-Niners.

What took you so long?

So let's see. A whole 43 seconds have elapsed. Time's awasting. I think we'll just go 68 yards and score a touchdown.


How many times did we see TO and Donovan do this last year? Why everyone was so panic-ridden that this year would somehow be different due to all the off-season nonsense is beyond me.

What happens on the field is just that…on the field. What happens off the field is…you get the point.

Sound Bytes

It is always a good time for sound bytes when Richie Stockton, the Moose and the Goose are the team in the booth and sideline.

Yesterday of course was no exception.

Some of yesterday's gems… as usual in no specific order.

*The Moose

He informed us that “Eagles OL Shawn Andrews was off to a great start last season before getting hurt.”

A great start?

Didn't he play like a Quarter before getting hurt in the very first pre-season game?

Yes, that's true Steve but for that one quarter, he was great!

*Tricky Dicky Stockton

Before I touch on Mr. Visser's insightful remark, may I just say right here and right now that he is one handsome man. I mean it. He has aged so well, hasn't he?

Why if only we could find a way to get him AND Hubie Brown onscreen on the same time…man that would be a sight to see.

Somewhere along the line, Mr. Stockton attempted to heap praise upon Donovan McNabb for the whole TO melodrama.

“You know, I have a lot of respect for Donovan McNabb…he refused to take sides while this whole TO thing was playing itself out.”

Refused to take sides?

HE was a side you brillo-head-looking fool…!!!!

I was greatly disappointed however that not once during the entire broadcast did DS refer to Eagles RB Brian Westbrook as “Michael” Westbrook. Some things you just get accustomed to, like the sun coming up every morning, my wife needing to look at the menu at McDonald's like it's going to suddenly change from the previous 3 million times we've been there, IT'S MCDONALD'S! It's the same freakin' menu they've had forever!!!…It's not like they're gonna add Lobster Tail all of a sudden..!!!

Sorry, got a little carried away there.

And I could always count on Dick Stockton referring to Brian Westbrook as Michael.

There's always next time.

The Goose

Unfortunately sideline reporter Tony Siragusa's microphone was inoperable for most of the first half (personally I think he accidentally ate it) and we didn't really get a lot out of him.

Man, he did a bang up job on getting us info on David Akers injury though didn't he? Jeezus, Goose, you might want to waddle over to the Eagles sidelines as this is a pretty significant player we're talking about here.

And what was up with the one time had not one BUT two microphones? One via a headset and one hand-held? I think the headset model was in case he “accidentally” ate the hand-held. But that's just me.

Andy Musser is alive and well

Those of you who remember former Phils announcer And Musser will recall he was notorious for bringing up statistics and trends at precisely the wrong time for Phillies fans.

Close your eyes and you can almost hear…

“Harry, the Phillies haven't given up a home run in 3,500 innings…here's the next pitch…swing a long drive…homerun Dave Kingman and the Mets lead 1-0.”

Well yesterday the producers decided to flash the (completely meaningless) stat that Niners QB Tim Rattay had not thrown an interception in the 1 st Quarter of any game.

On their very next offensive series, what does Rattay do? Why throw an interception of course.

I know George Blanda and you

When I was a kid, my brother Greg and I used to go in our back driveway and kick field goals through imaginary uprights.

It was a fun game, as we would pretend to be whoever the star kickers of the time were.

Garo Yepremiam. Fred Cox. George Blanda. Jim Turner. Even the immortal Horst Muhlman.

But at no point did either one of us ever line up for a kick and say, “okay, for this next kick, I'm Mark Simoneau.”

What, like none of you ever pretended to be NFL Placekickers when you were young? Oh please…

The Lito Shuffle

I gave Lito a break last week but no such luck this week.

Now before I hear all the ‘well he had an interception this week' talk…yes, I mean you Mr. Karr, referring to one of the flock, Thomas Karr, a staunch supporter of Lito.

The pass was thrown right to him. So enough of that. I could have had that interception…okay, maybe not me, but you get the point.

Now let's talk about his tackling ability. Or lack of tacking ability is more like it.

And through two games he has yet to face an NFL-caliber QB. Book it, he will be beaten when the Birds face a real QB.

Premature Excitation

It was great to see Eagles RB Lamar Gordon score a touchdown but Commissioner Gordon (I just gave him his nickname) needs to wait before celebrating until after he crosses the goal line.

He came oh so close to having the ball knocked out of his hands prior to his crossing the goal line.

Mr. Smith goes to…Hawaii?

Okay, I know it's early but who has been saying that one LJ Smith will find his way to Hawaii and the Pro Bowl for the past several years?

He certainly looked like he's ready for prime time, did he not?

Clearly he is becoming a weapon along the lines of TO and Westbrook… Brian Westbrook that is.

MQ Question of the Week

A beauty this week as MQ ponders…

Why is the perfect score for QB Rating 158.3? Why is not 100? Or why don't they use the 10-point scoring system like in the Olympics?

I don't know, Mark.

Do you?

Strange Calls

Why exactly did the Eagles call timeout at the end of the First Half?

And why in the world did David Akers kick off to start the Second Half? It was 28-0. The Niners had amassed a total of two First Downs and 62 total net yards the entire First Half.

Do you think he talked his way back onto the field? Clearly he should have been done for the game as soon as he was injured. Why risk further injury? Made no sense.

The Bottom Line

Did anyone really think the Niners had a chance? I mean come on, here folks.

I said last week that, despite it being very early in the season, this was a statement game. They needed to let the rest of the NFC know that Week 1 was an aberration.

I think they got the message.

Until next time…

Time's Yours. Food's mine.


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