"The Morning After "
By Steve Olenski
Nov 15th, 2005

Game 9 - Eagles vs Dallas

Good morning my people, don't know about you but these late games are killing me. If I don't get my beauty sleep…well, the results speak for themselves.

Opening Remarks

Have we had enough TO talk? Well of course there will be more…much more. Let me throw this out. Last week driving home from work I was listening to WIP and that journalist of journalists, the man who always calls it as he sees it or a reasonable facsimile thereof — Howard Eskin, was interviewing one Kobe Bryant. Howard and Kobe must be old pals as the toughest question he threw at him was “Who do you think will win Survivor this year?”

Now why do I bring this up? Well consider the fact that Howard, not exactly one oozing with journalistic integrity to start with, was essentially puckering up in the direction of Mr. Bryant's backside.

Then consider the fact that the aforementioned Mr. Bryant basically well, hhmmm let's see, how do I put this…oh yeah, he committed rape. Or at least that's what the majority of the free world thought. But money talks and bull…you know the rest.

Now let's consider the plight of one Terrell Owens. Is he trouble? Absolutely. Is he is a head case? Without question? He has done anything illegal, even remotely? Not that we're aware of. So why is he being vilified in the media while someone like Kobe Bryant is welcomed back with open arms?

Ok, ok, I know they're completely different situations but think about it…just for a second.

When you hike the ball…hike it BACKWARDS!

So the Eagles have themselves a new Center, Jamaal Jackson. JJ is gonna be just fine as long as he remembers Rule #1 of Center School.

Premature Excitation

The Eagles committed 3 False Start Penalties in the First Half alone. John Madden was alluding to the fact that it was due in part to the new Center, the aforementioned Mr. Jackson. Sorry Johnny…ain't buying it. The ball is snapped, then you move. Not the other way around. Rule #1 at Offensive Line School.

Throw me a freakin bone here…

Poor sideline reporter, Sam Ryan. In the First Half, she had the unenviable task of explaining the difference between a sports hernia and the run-of-the-mill variety.

She was doing great until she had to get the part about the bone that is affected by the sports hernia.

For the record, the bone affected is the pubic bone. And like a good Irish Catholic girl, Sam kid of glossed over or more precisely sped over at the speed of sound, the words ‘pubic bone.'

Sam is really a good girl. Rumor has it she can't even bring herself to say “Illegal Contact.”

The Lito Shuffle

Yeah, yeah, yeah Mr. Karr. So your boy had another interception AND should have another one in the Third Quarter. Guess that means it's “Hawaii Here We Come” right? We won't get into the huge cushion he repeatedly gave that noted burner Keshawn Johnson. Or the touchdown to Terry Glenn. What a complete farce it will be if he makes the Pro Bowl this year, an absolute farce.

It is alive…

Those of you who are long-time members of the TMA family know that we hold a special place in our heart for Chad Lewis.

We were all very disappointed when we heard he would not be part of the team when the season started.

Well last night The Human Rally Killer made his triumphant return last night and made a nice catch for a first down in the Third Quarter.

Welcome back, Chad!

Sure it won't be long before you're living up to your well-deserved moniker.

To the Batpoles…

How ‘bout the Commissioner, Lamar Gordon? Had himself quite the game. Clearly he should be playing more and more with Westbrook on the field at the same time.

Woulda, Hood-a, Shoulda…

Eagles DB Rod Hood was doing his best Al Harris impression last night, wasn't he? Pathetic play at cornerback. Stupid and I do mean STUPID penalties. Throw in pathetic kick returns and R Hood had himself a real Friar Tuck kinda night. Not sure what that means but wanted to get a Robin Hood reference in there somewhere.

And Rod, booby…do yourself a favor and don't waste much time waiting for that MENSA Membership to arrive. It ain't coming.

Hodge Ball…

Note to Eagles Punter Gil Hodges or Bill Hodges or Jimmy Hodges, whatever his first name is, doesn't matter. After last night's performance I only have one bit of advice for him: Change of Address Labels are on sale this week at Staples. Now I'm not saying you'll need them per se but, just in case, you may want to pick some up.

The Bottom Line

For those of you who went to bed early with visions of victory dancing in your head…this season is over, folks. Plain and simple. This team is done. Hard pressed to find a worse loss than this one. Plenty of blame to go around for sure. 13 point lead late in the Fourth Quarter usually leads to victory. Well not this time boys and girls.

This team will not make the playoffs.

Until next time.

Time's yours. Food's mine.








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